This post is mostly for me….so I can come back at some point in the future to read again and feel grateful that I will never have to go through this again!
There is a reason why there will be a 5 year gap between this baby and Kendyl. After going through extreme morning sickness with my first three kids, I felt like I just couldn’t do it again. I WAS DONE! Deep down I wanted another child but I was just too scared to go through another pregnancy, so I sold all my baby stuff and talked myself out of ever doing it again.
BUT….then time passed. And so much changed in my life except my desire to have another baby. It took years…but I finally talked myself into trying for another baby. I’ll be honest, I had mixed feelings even up to the day we conceived this little guy. But once the test came out positive I knew I wanted him and I knew I could find the strength to do it again. I cried because I was so happy, but soon found myself crying longer and harder because I knew what was to come…. THE DREADED MORNING, NOON, AFTERNOON, EVENING, AND ALL NIGHT SICKNESS that would consume my body for the next 4 or so months.
With this pregnancy I started throwing up at 5 weeks!!! A whole week earlier than before! Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but when you are puking up your guts, a week feels like a month. I quickly got on meds (Zofran and other good stuff), but it never helps me feel better, it just keeps me from throwing up SO MUCH that I don’t get dehydrated. By 6 1/2 weeks I was permanently in bed. Neighbors started helping with carpooling kids from school, meals, and a different friend would come each day to pick up Kendyl and get her out of the house for a bit. The month of May was hard. The kids had a hard time adapting to life without a mom. I think Mason struggled the most. He would come cuddle with me in bed often and ask if today was the day the baby was going to come out so I could feel better. He even spent his own money buying this Monkey for me so I had something to cuddle with. He has such a good heart!
My kids never saw me out of my bedroom in the month of May. I laughed when one time I walked out get something from the kitchen and Kendyl screamed “Yah, Mom’s better! Can you take us to the park Mom?” I smiled but it broke my heart at the same time. My kids needed more than what I could give them. So come the first of June, as soon as they were out of school, the kids went up to Utah to stay with cousins. Each child went to a different Aunt and Uncle’s house. It was a divide and conquer moment. I was worried they would be scared not having each other, but they did so well and had a really good time while I tried to survive out each day.
Some have asked what is morning sickness like for me? Well to try to describe it: I can smell EVERYTHING!!! And the smell of things good and bad makes me sick. I can’t even handle the smell of deodorant, soap or hair spray. Cooking meat about kills me off, especially taco meat which is Rich’s favorite. The smell of onions once set off a puking frenzy in the kitchen that left my kids shaking and scared. I HATE TO EAT! It’s the complete opposite of me when I’m not pregnant. The worst is I have to keep something in my stomach all the time or I get super sick, but it’s such a chore to eat. I couldn’t eat meat, veggies, or fruits until I was 20 weeks along. I survived on carnation, orange juice, yogurt, and bean with bacon soup. I ate those things over and over throughout the day. The worst part is I had to eat about every 2 to 3 hours even throughout the night. Some women don’t have to wake up for feedings like that until the baby comes. NOT ME…those feedings start from the time I’m barely prego. I’m nauseous 24 hrs a day until about 20 weeks, and then I have good moments her and there. But from week 5 to 20, it feels like I have extreme stomach flu and it never lets up. I’m 22 weeks now and I’m still throwing up, but there are some days I get more relief than others, and I’m getting out of the house a couple of hours each day which does wonders for me mentally. My gag reflux is still so strong. I struggle to brush my teeth and clean dirty dishes. I can be feeling pretty good and vomit right on the spot if something makes me gag. Which makes me nervous because I never know when I’m going to throw up. I went to a friends b-day party at week 19 and came home with puke down the front of me.
For some reason the bathtub as always been my comfort spot. With all of my pregnancies, when I’m so nauseous I feel like I just can’t bare it, I will escape to the tub. I usually spent 5 hours a day or more in the tub for almost 15 weeks. Sometimes I would take the IPAD in to watch shows, but many times I would just stare at the wall for hours on end. That’s one thing I can do while sick that I wouldn’t be able to do not pregnant….is stare at a wall for hours and hours. When I was the most sick, I had no desire to read or watch TV. I found myself just curled up in bed or the tub staring away at nothing, which makes each day feel like 3 days.
So why am I even sharing this? I hope I didn’t come off like I was whining. I mostly want to share this because I think there’s so much we can learn when going through something really difficult. This has always been a really hard trial for me to deal with, I’m a wimp when it comes to being sick, I can barely handle the stomach flu for a couple of days. A lot of times I think about how many trials come as a consequence from doing things we shouldn’t be doing, this however, is the opposite. I know Heavenly Father wants us to have children. So why does it have to be such an awful experience for me getting them here? For me I feel like it’s a test of my faith. Am I willing to be tried and tested, to go through something so difficult so that Heavenly Father can bless my family and I? And the answer is YES. It’s never an easy decision. Many days in the past 4 years my answer was no. But after being blessed with 3 amazing children I have already learned it’s worth it in the end. So until this cute little guy enters the world, I will continue to try and endure to the end. Because although the sickness has lifted some, I’m still not one that really enjoys being pregnant that much. I pretty much find myself feeling miserable most days. But I get through those days by thinking how amazing it will feel to hold my brand new baby boy in 4 months! I feel blessed!
