Slowly….. but surely!

7 weeks post surgery….. I fit into NON-MATERNITY jeans! Holla!!!!

These are FAR from my skinny jeans…. I don’t like to call them my fat jeans (for the sake of being positive), but in attempt at being as honest as possible….YES THESE ARE MY FAT JEANS! Talking about weight (I think) is a lot like walking on unsteady ground. I never want to come off as ungrateful for what my body has gone through, and for what is has allowed me to become …..A MOTHER! I think no matter what size you are, you have to be aware that Satan will try to convince you that you will only be truly happy if (fill in the blank with something you currently are not). For me in the past it’s always been if I was a few pounds less. When I was sick with this pregnancy and laying in bed, I had a lot of quiet time to do some soul searching. I decided after Bennett was born that I wanted to get back to my healthy weight not by guilty myself into it, but by finding so much happiness in my family that taking care of myself would be a by-product of such happiness (Does that make sense? It does in my head). I don’t want my focus to be on losing weight. I want to be so focused on my family that I don’t find myself bored standing at the pantry door. I want to be so focused on my kids that I go out and get active WITH THEM! Which by the way has been so fun (except for when I nearly ripped open my incision throwing a ball while playing dodgeball). I still have many setbacks. I find myself walking past a mirror and instantly thinking negative thoughts about still needing to lose 20 lbs…… or I lose patience (a lot) with my kids and think about how snacking will take my mind off of my frustrations. I’ve lost 30 lbs already (yes I gained 50 lbs in this pregnancy) and have 20 more to lose…..This is a work in progress. But for the first time in my life I’ve been able to look in the mirror, with 20 extra pounds on me, and think to myself “I’m still a beautiful Mom”. I know from what source that positive thinking comes from, and for that I’m thankful to my Heavenly Father. And I’m thankful for my body (though it tried to fool me into thinking it was dying through 4 difficult pregnancies) it instead produced 4 little miracles. Four miracles that call me MOM!